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Here is a series of promises that really speaks to true
friendship!
1. When you are sad, ...I will get you drunk (or gorge on chocolate) and help you plot
revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.
2. When you are blue, ...I'll try to dislodge whatever is choking
you.
3. When you smile, ...I'll know you finally got laid.
4. When you are scared, ...I will rag you about it every chance
I get.
5. When you are worried...I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be and to quit
whining.
6. When you are confused, ...I will use little words to explain.
7. When you are sick,
...stay away from me until you're well again. I don't want whatever you have.
8. When you fall, .I will point
and laugh at your clumsy ass.
Remember: A friend will help you move. A really good friend will
help you move a body. Let me know if I ever need to bring a shovel
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Here are some interesting Horoscopes...
Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)
You have an inventive mind and are
inclined to be progressive. You lie a great deal. On the other hand you are inclined to be careless and impractical, causing
you to make the same mistakes repeatedly. Everyone thinks you are a jerk.
Pisces (Feb. 19-Mar. 20)
You have a vivid imagination and often
think you are being followed by the FBI or CIA. You have minor influence over your friends, and people resent you for flaunting
your power. You lack confidence and are generally a coward. Pisces screw small animals and pick their noses.
Aries (Mar. 21-Apr. 19)
You are the pioneer type and hold most
people in contempt. You are quick tempered, impatient, and scornful of advice. You are a pain in the butt.
Taurus (Apr. 20-May 20)
You are practical and persistent. You
have dogged determination and work like hell. Most people think you are stubborn and bullheaded. You are nothing but a goddamn
communist.
Gemini (May 21-June 20)
You are quick and intellectual, and are
a thinker. People like you because you are a bisexual. However, you are inclined to expect too much for too little. This means
you are a cheap bastard. Gemini's are notorious for thriving on incest.
Cancer (June 21-July 22)
You are sympathetic and understanding
to other people's problems. They think you are a sucker. You are always putting things off. That is why you will always be
on welfare and won't be worth shit. You are a butthead.
Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)
You consider yourself a born leader. Others
think you are pushy. Most Leos are bullies. You are vain and cannot tolerate honest criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting.
Leo people are thieving bastards and kiss mirrors a lot.
Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)
You are the logical type and hate disorder.
This nit picking is sickening to your friends. You are cold and unemotional and often fall asleep while screwing. Virgos make
good bus drivers and pimps.
Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)
You are the artistic type and have a difficult time with reality. If you are a male, you are probably queer. Most Libra
women are whores. They are known as the world's greatest liars, although they pretend innocence and lack of guilt. All Libras
die of venereal disease.
Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)
You are shrewd in business and cannot
be trusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of ethics. You are a perfect son-of-a-bitch.
Most Scorpio people are murdered.
Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)
You are optimistic and enthusiastic.
You have a reckless tendency to rely on luck since you have no talent. The majority of Sagittarians are drunks and pot heads.
People laugh at you a lot because you are always getting duped.
Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)
You are conservative and afraid of
taking risks. You are basically chicken. There has never been a Capricorn of any importance. You should kill yourself.
**NOTE**
These horoscopes are intended for entertainment purposes only and should not be taken seriously. The owner of this
website should not and WILL NOT be held responsible for the stupid acts committed by the stupid people who do take these seriously.
The owner also advises to all those that do take it seriously seek professional help for their problems.
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Followed by some interesting definitions...
DATING: The process of spending enormous
amounts of money, time, and energy to get better acquainted with a person whom you don't especially like in the present and will learn to like a lot less in the future.
EASY: A term used to describe a woman who
has the morals of a man.
EYE CONTACT: A method utilized by a single
woman to communicate to a man that she is interested in him. Despite being advised to do so, many women have difficulty looking
a man directly in the eyes, not necessarily due to shyness, but usually due to the fact that a woman's eyes are not
located in her chest.
FRIEND: A member of the opposite sex in
your acquaintance who has some flaw which makes sleeping with him/her totally unappealing.
INDIFFERENCE: A woman's feeling towards
a man, usually interpreted by the man as "playing hard to get."
IRRITATING HABIT: What the endearing little
qualities that initially attract two people to each other turn into after a few months together.
NYMPHOMANIAC: A man's term for a woman who
wants to do it more often than he does.
SOBER: A condition in which it is almost
impossible to fall in love.
ATTRACTION: The act of associating horniness
with a particular person.
LOVE AT 1st SIGHT: What occurs when two
extremely horny, but not entirely choosy people meet.
LAW OF RELATIVITY: How attractive a given
person appears to be is directly proportionate to how unattractive your date is.
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I always manage to find the funniest stuff when I get bored and go surfin on the net. This
time I stumbled upon some "Exotic Fortune Cookies" and here's whats on the fortunes...
- Show someone your naughty side.
- Kissing is like real estate--it's all about location.
- Rub someone the right way.
- More, more, more!
- What are your fantasies?
- You've been bad--go to my room!
- May your sweet fruit be always in season.
- Tonight, your partner's wish is thy command.
- Good girls keep diaries. Bad girls keep score.
- Most people take sex and air for granted-- until they're not getting any.
- Love makes the world go 'round, but sex makes the trip fun.
- Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.
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Eleven Rules Of LIfe
1. It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return. but what is even more painful is to love somoene and
never find the courage to let that person know how you feel.
2. A sad thing in life is when you meet someone who means
a lot to you, only to find out in the end that it was never meant to be and you have to let go.
3. The best kind of
friend is the kind you can sit on a porch swing with, never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation
you've ever had.
4. Its true that we dont know what we've got untill we lose it, but it is also true that we dont
know what we've been missing untill it arrives.
5. It takes a minute to get a crush on somoene, an hour to like somone
and a day to love someone but it takes a lifetime to forget someone
6. Don't go for looks, they can deceive. Don't
gor for wealth, even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile beacause it only takes a smile to make a dark day
seem bright
7. Dream what you want to dream, go where you want to go, be what you want to be because you have only
one life and one chance to do all the things you wanna do.
8. Always put yourself in others shoes. If you feel that
hurts you, it probarly hurts the person too.
9. A careless word my kindle strife; a cruel word may wreck a life; a
timely word may leavel stress; a loving word may heal and bless.
10. The happiest of people dont necessarily have
the best of everything they just make the most of everything that comes along their way
11. Love begins with a smile,
grows with a kiss, ends with a tear. When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. Live your life
so that when you die, you're the one smiling and everyone around you is crying.
Always remember- life is precious,
dont let it slip by
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High SchooL........
..................somewhere b e t w e e n the procrastination.... and the homework..... and the incessant forwards.....
and the friendships..... and the calls to each other complaining
about crushes!!...... Somewhere b e t w e e n the phone calls to old friends..... And the "I miss you's"
& the "I love you's" ....... And the "What
are we doing tonight's?"..... And somewhere b e t w e e n all of the changing,
growing... Somewhere b e t w e e n the classes........ And the skipping classes......
And the studying for tests....... And the pretending to
study for tests....... And the downright NOT studying for tests... I forgot.......... I forgot what high school is all about. I forgot what it meant to cry.......
I forgot that pretending to be happy doesn't
make you happy........... And that pretending to be smart doesn't
make you smart............ I forgot that you can't just forget the past in fear of the future..........
I forgot that you can't control falling in love ........... And that you can't make yourself
fall in love........... I learned that I can love.........
I learned that it's okay to mess up
......... And it's okay to ask for help......... And it's okay
to feel like crud.......... I learned it's okay to complain and whine to all your friends for a whole day........ I learned that sometimes the things you want most you just can't have.
I learned that the greatest thing about high school isn't the parties or the DRiNKiNG or the hook-ups... It's the friendships, which means taking chances........ I learned that sometimes the things we want to forget are the things which we most need to talk about.......... I learned that letters from friends are the most important thing. And that sending cards to
your friends makes you feel better. But,
basically, I just learned that my friends........ Both o l d and new.........
Are the most important people to me in the world. And without them, I wouldn't be who I
am today ..... So this is a thank
you to all of my friends. . For always being there and I love you.
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Friendships
Work like you don't need the money,
love like you've never been hurt,
and dance like you do when
nobody's watching.
In first grade your idea of a good friend was the person who went to the bathroom with you and
held your hand as you walked through the scary halls.
In second grade your idea of a good friend was the person who
helped you stand up to the class bully.
In third grade your idea of a good friend was the person who shared their
lunch with you when you forgot yours on the bus.
In fourth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who was
willing to switch square dancing partners in gym so you wouldn't have to be stuck do-si-do-ing with Nasty Nick or Smelly Susan.
In fifth grade your idea of a friend was the person who saved a seat on the back of the bus for you.
In sixth
grade your idea of a friend was the person who went up to Nick or Susan, your new crush, and asked them to dance with you,
so that if they said no you wouldn't have to be embarrassed.
In seventh grade your idea of a friend was the person
who let you copy the social studies homework from the night before that you had.
In eighth grade your idea of a good
friend was the person who helped you pack up your stuffed animals and old baseball but didn't laugh at you when you finished
and broke out into tears.
In ninth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who would go to a party thrown
by a senior so you wouldn't wind up being the only
freshman there.
In tenth grade your idea of a good friend
was
the person who changed their schedule so you would have someone to sit with at lunch.
In eleventh grade your idea
of a good friend was the person who gave you rides in their new car, convinced your parents that you shouldn't be grounded,
consoled
you when you broke up with Nick [or Glenn] or Susan, and found you a date to the prom.
In twelfth grade
your idea of a good friend was the person who helped you pick out a college/university, assured you that you would get into
that college/university, helped you deal with your parents who were having a hard time adjusting to the idea of letting you
go...
At graduation your idea of a good friend was the person who was crying on the inside but managed the biggest
smile one could give as they congratulated you.
The summer after twelfth grade your idea of a good friend was the
person who helped you clean up the bottles from that party, helped you sneak out of the house when you just couldn't deal
with your parents, assured you that now that you and Nick or you and Susan were back together, you could make it through anything,
helped you pack up for university and just silently hugged you as you looked through blurry eyes at 18 years of memories you
were leaving behind, and finally on those last days of childhood, went out of their way to give you reassurance that you would
make it in college as well as you had these past 18 years, and most importantly sent you off to college knowing you were loved.
Now, your idea of a good friend is still the person who gives you the better of the two choices, holds your hand when
you're scared, helps you fight off those who try to take advantage of you, thinks of you at times when you are not there,
reminds you of what you have forgotten, helps you put the past behind you but understands when you need to hold on to it a
little longer, stays with you so that you have confidence, goes out of their way to make time for you, helps you clear up
your mistakes, helps you deal with pressure from others, smiles for you when they are sad, helps you become a better person,
and most importantly loves you!
Pass on to those friends of the past, and those of the future...and those you have
met along the way...crying yet? oh there's more....Thank you for being a friend. No matter where we go or who we become, never
forget who helped us get there. There's never a wrong time to pick up a phone or send a message telling your friends how much
you miss them or how much you love them. If you love someone, tell them.
Remember always to say what you mean. Never
be afraid to express yourself. Take this opportunity to tell someone what they mean to you. Seize the day and have no regrets.
Most importantly, stay close to your friends and family, for they have helped make you the person that you are today and are
what it's all about anyway. Pass this along to your friends. Let it make a difference in your day and theirs. The difference
between expressing love and having regrets is that the regrets may stay around forever.
YOU WILL TRULY MEET THE FRIENDS
THAT WILL LAST A LIFETIME AND WILL MEAN THE MOST TO YOU. OUR FRIENDS WILL. I'LL ALWAYS BE THERE FOR YOU. KEEP YOUR
FRIENDSHIPS
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